I want to say one more thing as a cis person who experimented with labels over the years, questioned my gender, and ended up as cis after all. The trans community did not “indoctrinate” me. I had always been asking these questions, even as a little kid before I knew trans people even existed. Over the years, trans women gave me the courage to explore the femininity I wasted my youth denying, trans men taught me that manhood is what you make of it and that nobody could tell me how to define it, and nonbinary people taught me just how limitless my possibilities were. The only parts of my upbringing that left me “confused” about gender were the conservatives who imposed a vision of gender that my friends and I could not relate to. And when I realized trans identity wasn’t something I could claim after all, the community loved me all the same. I am happier, and the world is more beautiful, because of trans people. The human impulse to create and survive isn’t going anywhere, and neither are trans people.
“Ulysses Grant Dietz grew up in Syracuse, New York, where his Leave it to Beaver life was enlivened by his fascination with vampires, from Bela Lugosi to Barnabas Collins. He studied French at Yale (BA, 1977), and was trained to be a museum curator in the University of Delaware’s Winterthur Program in American Material Culture (MA, 1980). A decorative arts curator at the Newark Museum for thirty-seven years before he retired, Ulysses has never stopped writing for the sheer pleasure of it. Aside from books on Victorian furniture, art pottery, studio ceramics, jewelry, and the White House, Ulysses created the character of Desmond Beckwith in 1988 as his personal response to Anne Rice’s landmark novels. Alyson Books released his first novel, Desmond, in 1998. Vampire in Suburbia, the sequel, appeared in 2012. His most recent novel, Cliffhanger, was released by JMS Books in December 2020.
“Ulysses lives in suburban New Jersey with his husband of 45 years. They have two grown children, adopted in 1996.
“Ulysses is a great-great grandson of Ulysses S. Grant. His late mother, Julia, was the President’s last living great-grandchild; youngest daughter of Ulysses S. Grant III, and granddaughter of the president’s eldest son, Frederick. Every year on April 27 he gives a speech at Grant’s Tomb in New York City. He is also on the board of the U.S. Grant Presidential Library and Museum at Mississippi State University.”
And frankly, the novels sound like they slap:
Desmond was nominated for a Lambda Award.
“With his husband of 45 years.” You kids don’t know … they got together before AIDS, at the peak of the Gay Glam Life. They stayed together as their generation died around them, and made through it to the point where they could marry and have a legal family. He looks like a chipper preppie who never had a serious thought or care in the world, but it took *incredible* determination, commitment, and also luck to get here.
Before the internet, librarians were the gatekeeper of knowledge. For your reading pleasure, the New York Public Library released a cache of queries and conundrums called in from the 1940s to the 1980s.
just in case anyone missed this in the news or maybe not in the loop, Disney is currently refusing to meet with or acknowledge the newly formed animation production workers union that just voted to join IASTE and become an official part of TAG, the animators and animation artists guild
production workers across all studios are currently voting to be recognized for their hard work and invaluable skill at keeping these productions running, but studios are refusing to meet with them to let them negotiate deals or even exist
as someone who works in animation as a designer i know i wouldn’t be able to do my job at all without any of my production workers. they are the incredibly hard working people who oversee pretty much everything in animation. they make sure everything is running on time, that schedules are being followed, they have to know pretty much every single word of the scripts and beats from the storyboards to make sure nothing is missed, and most importantly, they make sure artists are being taken care of and not overworked. they really are the unsung heroes of the animation world
production workers are also by far the most exploited workers in animation currently. they make about a fraction of what artists make for just as much work put in, and currently have no agreement for health coverage or other benefits that artists protected by the union are guaranteed
BUT! there is some good news. right now there’s a petition on IATSE’s website that has over 80,000 signatures currently addressed to disney leadership to do the right thing and meet with this new union and recognized their vote to form. it still needs roughly 21,000 signatures and only takes a minute to sign! anyone with a zip or postal code can sign, meaning both US and Canadian residents can sign and help this union get the deal it deserves!!
Starving to death this morning because ive been to the new local cafe twice this week already and if i go a third time ill look desperate.
Me: I like the goods and/or services you offer in exchange for my money
The cafe, in my head: lmao cringe, kill yrself buddy
The endlessly wailing siren of my social anxiety issues is probably not going to be silenced by the people in the comments pointing out that being a regular at a restaurant is a normal thing for people to be, but I do zero-sarcasm appreciate the attempt, is very kind!
I used to walk into [redacted nonpizza store] in my area and the guy behind the counter would immediately ask me if I wanted a pizza. truly I experienced the mortifying ordeal of being known as the pizza guy
compared to that being a regular at a normal cafe ordering normal breakfast items would be a real relief
Literally dread this scenario, to have your identity *reduced down* to a single item order, to be known as such a plebian with such a restricted palette that your order can be charted in advance, oh widdle ash wants his chicken tendies uwu.
I agree having a set breakfast order is more socially acceptable than a set pizza order. But its not enough; its never enough.
Though life update: i did just go to the cafe in the end. I compromised with my anxiety by ordering a sandwich instead of my typical bagel. It was fine but not as good.
on the flipside, we went to the same place for brunch a couple years, one time my buddy orders something new, and while he’s eating five different members of the wait staff stopped by to be like “did they bring you the wrong thing?”
This thread needs a trigger warning keep the horror stories coming
There was a bakeshop near my house that made soft ginger cookies and and macarons but only 2-3 good flavors. I walked in once and the cashier (who I definitely didn’t recognize) said “let me guess - ginger cookies and cookies-n-cream macarons, right?”
Needless to say, I never returned.
I once went to a McDonald’s, the cashier said “big mac combo meal and a chicken burger, right?” and I said “yeah” and then didn’t come back for two years
This entire genre of concern so fascinatingly foreign to me! the cafeteria pizza guy knows I want 3 slices of whatever veggie pizza he has, and he will have them ready for me without me having to say anything besides a quick murmured thanks, and he smiles when he sees me and starts to grab them, and it feels so good! to be known, even a little bit, to be a small constant in someone else’s life… there’s just something so beautiful and precious and good in that, for me.
When I lived in [the city where I lived for undergrad] there was this place very close to my house with cheap and delicious lamb curry and the people at the counter knew my face and would start scooping the lamb curry into a bowl when they saw me come through the door. I thought this was lovely of them and always made sure to tip generously. Restaurant and regular is a mutually beneficial relationship.
Yeah there’s a bakery/cafe a few doors down from me and reaching the point where they a) remember my face/name and b) know my regular order meant that I can no longer get breakfast anywhere else ever.
Had the guy at the taco truck I routinely went to for lunch who asked me after a few years if I only ate burritos or something, no man I’m just don’t see the need to mix up my lunches.
As someone who’s been both front and back of house in various large and small food services: regulars account for roughly 40% of sales and thier consistency makes it easier to order supplies and keep stock levels stable.
As front of house my regulars were always a welcome sight, an easy serve and clear, a guaranteed a happy customer and pleasant interaction. Especially in diners or lunch spots where reliable turnover = tips and most people never come in more than once, having a familiar face who’s rhythms and tastes you recall makes the rest of your service work easier.
If you have any anxiety about being a regular somewhere just be sure to tip well, and you will magically transform from ‘pizza guy’ or ‘lamb curry dude’ to Beloved Favorite Regular and the servers will squabble to get you seated in thier section.
When I worked for Domino’s Pizza, there was a guy who ordered a pizza, without fail, on Thursday at 6pm. Until the day he didn’t.
One of our drivers was delivering nearby and decided to check on the guy. Turns out the guy got home, got most of the way through the door, and lost consciousness. (If memory serves, it was a diabetic episode.) Driver couldn’t revive him and called 911. Saved the guy’s life.
when i worked in a remote office when i started my job, i went to denny’s for lunch enough that i’d just walk in and a server would go “take a seat over there, I’ll be over with your iced tea to take your order in a moment”
Food service workers love their regulars, especially if you’re a good tipper and are polite, we literally look forward to seeing you every day. Also service workers don’t care if you order the same thing, and us remembering your order means we like you.
^^^^
Also no we aren’t “boiling your personality down to an item/order”, you are. We are offering you preference recall and welcoming you and your *presence* does in fact correspond to our need to give you a certain order. It’s okay for that to happen.
For all my fellow social anxiety sufferers out there. Because my local coffee shop knows I always get iced coffee or a mocha and a biscotti and it stresses me the fuck out because I’m like “What if they think my order is dumb?? What if they’re like there she goes again stuffing her face with biscottis all the time” but nothing matters and a biscotti with your coffee in the morning really makes all the difference in what kinda day you’re gonna have.
I have pretty severe social anxiety, but there was a Chinese restaurant in [town I lived in for a few years] that made some of the very best egg drop soup, vegetable lo mein, and spring rolls. I ordered that every time I went there. They would seat me by a window in a quiet spot because they saw me put earplugs on when things got noisy.
Then I moved to a different but nearby town. I’m unable to drive (due to medical reasons) and public transportation didn’t go near the town. It was a year later, when I had a study group, that I was able to go there again. We had been taking turns for what restaurant we would eat and study at. We’d be there for hours, ordering several meals, and tip heavy, around 50%. Anyone one of us who couldn’t afford to eat or tip would be covered by the rest because several of my classmates were from wealthy families. They covered me more than once in exchange for drawings.
When it was my turn, we went to the Chinese restaurant. I walked in and they immediately knew who I was and what I favored. It was pretty dead in there, so we mostly had the place to ourselves. It ended up being a six course meal and five hours of studying and discussing the project. They brought me my favs as soon as they saw my plate or bowl was empty. The bill ended up at a little over $1k.
A couple months later, a friend took me there where we had a nice lunch after I finished my last exam. The owner approached our table and told me each of the students I had brought last time were now regulars. Some brought more people, and business was booming. They gave me a little card that said I would receive free meals for the next two years, as thanks for being a regular bringing in so many new people.
Before I moved across the country, I wanted to visit the place for a final meal before leaving. The place was closed with a sign that said “moved to new location.” The new location was near the university. So we went there, and the owner informed me that because so many of their new regulars were uni students, they moved. The place was easily 3x the size of their original. They told me it was always packed during meal times, and they now opened for breakfast with tradition Chinese breakfast foods. Business was booming, and all because of their regulars.
Being a regular is one of the very best compliments you can offer a restaurant, diner, meal trucks, etc. They love seeing you, especially if you tip well. I will likely never eat there again due to living more than 2500 miles away, but it feels good that my love for egg drop soup, vegetable lo mein, and spring rolls helped out a wonderful restaurant.
That was somebody’s mom whose dream had always been to be a restaurant owner but sadly she married into the mafia and she was like the mom of someone important and moms are like the one authority italians recognise so when she put her foot down and said “NO. We are going to make them great food and give them the most lovely evening!” Nobody dared disagree and thanks to op she got to live her dream for a night she probably remembers them as fondly as they remember her
